Breaking all the rules

I've been thinking a lot about the differences between my first pregnancy with Ryan and now this little guy. Pretty much nothing has been the same and this includes how many of the "do's and don'ts" while pregnant that I'm following.

For example:

• Don't eat deli meat ... I break this rule at least 2 - 3x a week.
• Don't eat Sushi - so I occasionally eat Sushi - though try to make sure it's cooked.
• Don't eat soft cheese. Fail this one hard. Isn't everything pasteurized these days? 
• Don't eat raw cookie dough (I don't even understand the point of cooked cookie dough)

Just about the only rules I do follow these days is don't drink, or do drugs. It's just so funny how things are so different the second time around. I'm sure this is not the case for everyone, but it certainly is for me. I know part of this is thanks to Ryan who keeps me busy when I'm not working. And I swear there is just less time in the day to do all the prep work that went into welcoming home our first baby.But with each passing day I'm getting more and more excited about meeting this little boy, and can tell all the nesting and planning is just around the corner : )

25 weeks down! 

Better late than never!

I'm feeling like a  slacker these days when it comes to any sort of prep for this little guy. At this point for Ryan I remember having so much more completed, or at least underway. This time around all we have is boxes of Ryan's old baby stuff piling up in the corner of the office and my sense is it is going to stay that way for a while! 

I'm at least starting to think about all the things we need to get moving on, like ordering bedroom furniture. That's probably the big one for now, and even that I know we won't use until  months after the baby gets here (at least if he's anything like Ryan who slept in everything BUT his crib for the first 6 months of his life). 

I'm almost 25 weeks and feeling okay. Still pretty tired and occasionally having stomach issues which is pretty annoying. But each and every kick that I'm getting makes it so worth it. Speaking of, this little one is so active! I have almost no memory of how often Ryan moved around while I was pregnant but it seems like with #2 the second I sit down he starts moving. And I love it : ) The only thing better will be when he's actually here in our arms!  

23 Weeks with our little boy #2!

Simple reminders

Sometimes it takes a simple reminder to make you realize how lucky you are. I got that reminder while stopped at a red light on my drive to yet another doctors appointment. As I sat in my car I saw a man pushing a child in a wheel chair down the street.

I get upset when Ryan has the sniffles, or a poop that looks just a little odd, or won't eat breakfast... you know the normal Mom stuff. But in the big picture these are small potatoes and we're so lucky. I know not everyone is that fortunate and try to think of this when life seems a little stressful, or throws a curve ball I can't keep up with. We have a beautiful new home, a happy, healthy almost 3 year old and his little brother on the way. Life is good and I am thankful.

Every time I feel this baby boy kick, every time I have another doctors appointment where everything looks great and every time we reach other milestone, I'm thankful. The whole process of making a baby is so delicate and I am not going to take for granted what my body is doing.

I recently found out that my cousin and his wife lost their twin girls sometime before 20 weeks. It was absolutely heartbreaking and cruel. I'm not very close with either of them, but know they had been trying for a while and had had a few miscarriages. This was supposed to be it for them, they were clear of the first trimester and on their way to becoming parents. I cannot even imagine what it's been like for them after losing their little girls and it's definitely impacted my thoughts over the past week.

There are no definite's in life and you never know what is going to happen next, but for now I'm going to be thankful for all that we've been blessed with and not take a single day for granted.

1/2 Way There!

We've reached the half way point! 20 weeks down and hopefully no more than 20 weeks to go.

The biggest change in the past few weeks has been movement. Finally! After worrying that I wasn't feeling anything for weeks I'm starting to feel some serious baby jigs these days. Just like his big brother I started to feel this little guy move around 18-19 weeks, and now his kicks and punches are hard to miss. It seems like anytime I sit down with my feet up he starts rocking and rolling. I don't remember Ryan being this active at this point, god only knows what that means for when he makes his big appearance in January.

In other news, I can't stop eating ice cream. No seriously. I pretend to try and stop, but Ryan is into strawberry ice cream cones every single night and god help me if I don't end up with a bowl myself! I jumped on the scale today for some stupid reason. I'm about 8-9 lbs up from where I was when I got pregnant, but almost 20 lbs over my happy weight. I'm sort of praying I keep this pregnancy within the 25-30 lb gain like last time, but am starting to realize it may mean regaining some self control and saying no to ice cream (and chips, and french fries, and all things delicious). 

And in other, other news Ryan wants to name his little brother "poopy". "Big Poopy" to be exact, and Big Poopy will be allowed to sleep in Ryan's room. This all sounds very promising to me! Hopefully he won't be too upset when he learns his name of choice isn't up for consideration. 

Which brings me to another thought as I ramble on. Naming a child is really hard, specifically the second time around when it's the same gender. I really wanted to go with the middle name George after my Grandpa, but can't seem to find a middle name that works well with it. Some top runners of the moment include:

Tyler

Dylan

Joshua

Evan

Zachary 

None of which really flow nicely with "George". Ahh guess it's a good thing we have another 20 weeks to decide!

Double Trouble

I've been meaning to start this up again for the last, ohh... 17 weeks.

At first I was hesitant to put anything in "writing" after our loss in March. Then once I was out of the first trimester life just got a little crazy and next thing I know I'm almost 1/2 way through this pregnancy and have yet to write a thing! Sorry baby #2, but something tells me this is completely normal the second time around.

I'm going to try and recap the past 5 months as best I can, so here we go!

I take the month of April off from basically everything, I work out less, eat more and focus on getting my body back to normal after the miscarriage and D&C in March. I recover pretty quickly, and get my first period about a month later.

Now, it's go time! I start keeping track of all those great signs that signal your body is getting ready to ovulate, which I've never done before and honestly became a bit obsessed with (shocker). I peed on more test strips in the month of May than I'd like to admit, but lucky for us it worked. After a family trip to Disney World we came home to find out we were pregnant again! I was shocked, yet at the same time not. It's an odd feeling to try again after going through infertility treatments. I spent so much time worrying that it would be difficult to conceive again, to then get pregnant by accident, to then losing that pregnancy and having a whole new set of fears start to settle in.

Around 6 1/2 weeks the nauseousness started to settle in big time and my first ultrasound confirmed there was a beautiful heartbeat pounding away. I repeat ultrasound at 9 weeks showed our little gummy bear was still there, and at 12 weeks I was officially feeling like we "made" it - though I'm realistic and know there is a long road ahead of us.

This pregnancy has been NOTHING like Ryan's. With Ryan I was sick up until about 13-14 weeks but then felt pretty good. Now I'm coming up to 18 and still find my stomach is at odds during the day, good thing some food seems to help settle that (I'm really good at eating food). I've also been beyond exhausted, which I attribute to being pregnant while taking care of a toddler who never sits still. But other than the normal pregnancy symtoms everything has been pretty good over here and we just found it baby #2 is another BOY!

I cannot even believe I'm going to have 2 boys. I'm an only child, all my friends where mostly other only children or had sisters so this whole brother thing is a totally foreign concept to me but I'm so excited. Here is how we shared the big news with everyone, turns out my kid will do just about anything for a lollipop.

I am making a promise to myself and our little guy #2 to do a better job of keeping track of this pregnancy. So until next time!

Somewhere over the rainbow

After the longest 5 days of my life we've finally let go of our little baby at 7 weeks. I started to feel uneasy when I wasn't having any morning sickness, then some of my lab work just didn't seem right and finally last Friday I started bleeding.

I went into the Doctor's office and saw a Heartbeat, which temporarily put my mind at ease. But over the weekend the bleeding continued, and became much heavier. I knew it was happening, my stomach was cramping, the bleeding was more than spotting and there was nothing I could do to stop nature from taking it's course. By Monday morning I was sure of it.

The doctor confirmed via sonogram that the baby no longer had a heartbeat, and gave me the option of miscarrying on my own or having a D&C. I decided to have the D&C. I honestly just wanted it over with. After 4 days of bleeding and cramping and no end in sight I just needed relief, and I knew a D&C would be the best option to provide that quickly.

Deep down I know that there was nothing I could have done to prevent this, but it doesn't make it any easier. We asked for them to run tests on the baby to see if they are able to figure out what was wrong, though I'm not sure having those answers will provide any comfort.

This baby was a wonderful surprise, and I'm sad that it's ended the way it did. But hopefully I'll be back here soon, because Drew and I make some cute kids : )

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart - A.A. Milne

Here we go again

Well, this happened the other day.

Since I kept this blog to document my pregnancy with Ryan it only felt natural to start it up again for this little bean.

To say we're surprised would be an understatement. We weren't exactly trying to get pregnant, though clearly not, not trying either. So when I tested and saw the positive result above the best I could do was sit down and stare at that little stick and its 2 pink lines in total disbelief.

Even though I've been cycling somewhat regularly for over a year I wasn't sure what that would mean in terms of getting pregnant, since one doesn't always lead to the other. I'm only 5 weeks in, but feeling pretty good about things.

I've had my levels checked twice so far and while my progesterone was initially a little low it seems to be rising on it's own (hoorayy). I am going on progesterone support just to put my mind at ease (can't leave everything up to mother nature) and plan to keep my fingers and toes and arms and legs crossed until our first appointment in a few weeks.

I completely forgot how long the days are and how slowly the weeks go by after first finding out you're pregnant. If I could fast forward to April when I'll be 12 weeks and out of the first trimester I would in a second.

But since I'm pretty sure time machines wouldn't speed up the development of this little baby, I guess I'll have to settle with the long wait. Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months, and a little brother or sister for Ryan at the end of October!